I am a terrible procrastinator. Well to be clear, I am a recovering perfectionist which often shows up as a procrastinator.
For example, I set out to take a class on Skillshare so I can learn how to use Procreate, and find myself three hours later on Design Cuts with 10 Procreate brush sets in my shopping cart.
I start the class anyway only to realize I need to take another (more focused) class first.
I start the “more focused” class only to find myself mindless browsing Pinterest or Instagram looking for “inspiration” and research.
I plan and organize, organize, research, look for and compile inspiration but I never actually BEGIN. Or I begin but don’t finish. This can go on for days, weeks and sadly, even months or YEARS! (Let’s not talk about that children’s book I started writing at the turn of the millennium.)
I have raised procrastination to an art form.
I know WHY I procrastinate. I’m afraid. It is a defense mechanism for perfectionists and recovering perfectionists like me. I procrastinate because I don’t want to “make a mistake.
It is a soul-sucking cycle of fear. In order to be accepted I must be perfect. In fact that perfection must be exhibited even before I know what the fuck I’m doing or even WANT to do.
But perfection is key. But of course intellectually I know that isn’t possible so I procrastinate by planning, organizing, thinking about working, dreaming about the end result, but never actually producing it.
Recently I purchased a book that I am slowly reading. It’s a workbook actually called “CBT Workbook for Perfectionism: Practical Skills to Help You Let Go of Self-Criticism, Find Balance, and Reclaim Your Self-Worth.”
I realize that’s a mouthful for a title. But I’m hoping it will will provide some strategies to help combat the perfectionism. The “CBT” stands for cognitive-behavioral therapy. So it doesn’t matter so much WHY I do the perfectionistic thing I do that keep holding me back.
What’s important is how to stop doing them. I’m a little less than half-way through the book and am hopeful I’ll have some positive feedback to share because some of the techniques actually worked.
